Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Self-Forgiveness - Part One

I want you to know that I have a long post saved as a draft.  It was scheduled to post but then I had second thoughts.

I'm a believer that what you put out there... puts it's energy out there.

I may decide to post it later on in this series... but for today,

I'm sticking with the moving forward part.

The past is the past.

We cannot change one single moment of it... not one.

We can let it ride around in our heads, consuming us.  Bringing pain, regret, shame, sadness, loss......or we can learn to deal with it and move forward.

So going from the above sentence..

I'm starting a new Bullet Journal for Fogiveness.

I've decided to do at first I will have five main bullets.

Something like this...

  • 1-10
  • 11-20
  • 21-30
  • 31-40
  • 41-50

These will represent decades of my life.

Then I will had sections to each one.

My first go at this will be 4 sections and I will list things from that time period of my life that will represent something I want to forgive myself for.. or maybe want to forgive someone else for.

I've learned in this journey of self-forgiveness that I also have to forgive hurt that I am holding on to from others. a nutshell.  Here goes....

Week one.. First Bullet Journal Entry - 
Things I Remember...or Things I wish I had been....or Things I Perceived

  • 1-10
  1. The fighting and the drinking... let it go.  It wasn't about me
  2. Hearing my grandfather be angry with my mother
  3. our little puppy Lulu - 
  4. Losing my grandfather and being mad that I was with my grandmother

  • 11-20
  1. Being fearful all the time of everything
  2. some pretty stupid choices
  3. ending my young marriage before it ever had a chance
  4. hurting someone

  • 21-30
  1. giving up my baby
  2. not being a better mother
  3. not having anyone to lead me to get some mental health help
  4. rushing through life too fast

  • 31-40
  1. I was such a easy target for a predator - and still, I am responsible
  2. needed to be truer to my kids and self first.
  3. to understand that I did not need a man in my life
  4. to be a mom first over everything - to keep them all First - always.
  • 41-50
  1. I woke up.. I was in my forties and could not get the young years back..
  2. I should have stepped away from what I did not need.  The only thing I needed was my kids
  3. to repair past hurts and bring forth all honesty
  4. to try to let things go... to stop the regret.  To learn from then... but focus on now
So there... I've started!

Tonight, I will copy exactly what I typed here into my new Bullet Forgiveness journal.

I will add the next week's pages with more writing on each of the above entries.  

Next week, I will share a few with you and then post my next Bullet entries.

The purpose of this, for me is to recognize facts, separate perceptions, understand who I am today as opposed to who I was so long ago.

To forgive the mistakes I made, and there were so many.

To learn to appreciate what I have learned along the way.. and who I am because of yesterday.

To be free from the soul clutter and release it all.  All of it.

I am in No way qualified to advise you or anyone if you are on a journey of self-forgiveness or just plain forgiveness.   I'm sharing this part of my journey.   If you find some inspiration from it... that is wonderful and I am so happy.  Listen to your heart and soul.  That will lead you to self forgiveness.  We are all truly exceptional beings and have so much to offer... sometimes we just need a large shovel to get the junk out of our heads.

Here is a photo of the new journal page
I am starting....

Thanks for stopping by.  I'm going to get these entries copied so I start start the next part... examining each one.  

Part Two to this series will be posted next Wednesday.

Here's some inspiration to share...

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