Thursday, January 9, 2014

If Today was Your Last Day.

A number of years ago, a young man came into our family.

It was brief.  Only for about three months.  He was dating one of my daughters.

During that time,  we knew what a wonderful and talented musician he was.  He loved things like
Mother Earth News.  He gardened and seemed very in tune with nature.

He loved my little grandson.

Sometimes, when you think you know someone, no matter how short of a time or long of a time, you don't really know what is happening inside of their mind.  You are so busy with your own life and later you wonder, should I have seen it coming?  Should I have known how troubled he was?

I don't think the answers to questions like that ever come, not really.

I talked to him. Well, no, I didn't talk to him on that day in July.  He called my house.  I was busy and I didn't want to get involved in what was going on.  My answers to him were brief.  I wasn't cold and I tried to be as kind as I could. but "I'm sorry, I can't help you."

Now I know we can't always help people.  I know we can't always love people like we are suppose to.

But I think we should try harder.

I do not take any responsibility for what happened to this young man.  Yes, I could have been kinder.  I could have taken the time to listen to him.  Would it have made a difference for him?  I do not know.  But I do know this, it would have made a difference for me.   

If any of us had known that this suicide was going to happen, we would have moved heaven and earth to prevent it.  We did not know.

We did not know.

Shane.  You touched our family.  You were already in our hearts.  Your music.  Your smile.  Now you are etched there forever, until we get to meet you again.

Do I believe that because, at your weakest moment, your most troubled time, the time that you needed God the most that He would ever abandon you.
No.  I will never believe that and I know it isn't true.

When someone leaves us, we cry for us.  We cry for what is lost to them - with us.

When someone takes their own life, I cry for the hopelessness they must have felt.

You gave us all a gift Shane.   Something that came with a high price.  Never again will I not show compassion to someone, to not take just a moment to listen.  

You will never be forgotten by this family.  Ever.  

Thanks for the gift of this awesome song.  I will see you every time I hear it.  When I see a guitar I will remember how you played and sang.  
When I listen to Dust in the Wind by the Scorpians - I will remember how you shook your head at me and said " I don't like it.  Where are the violins???"

You said you didn't belong here...maybe you didn't.  
Where you are now is the place where love lives. 

You know I put this little video together a long time ago with the song.  

I will try to always live my life with the words of this song in the background.  It is how I remember you.

To see the video - click below

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

In a Whisper

There are days when scenes from the past can swallow you up.  

Regret?  Not really.
Unhappiness with the present?  No.

Just sweet memories.  Feelings hidden deep within the soul.

This place will always be open to reopen.  But the secret for me is being who I am now. 

Who I have become.

Is there still room for the past?

Absolutely.  Always. 

Do I stop and wait for what I wanted so desperately long ago.

No.  I do not.

That is enough.  If it is ever meant to be not enough, the Universe will conspire to make it so.

Just like when it was.

Living life to the fullest is my plan.

Standing for what I believe in.

Being proud of what I have overcome and the wonderful creations that God has blessed me with.

The ones who used to call me Mommy.

How dare I ask for more?

oh...but I a whisper.

Monday, January 6, 2014

Words i needed to hear...

Been a strange weekend and I am kind of glad its done.

Spending as much time as incan with my own thoughts.

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Listen to your Heart - It Knows the Way

Brand new year.  Brand new blog.

365 Days ahead to make the changes I need to. 

I welcome 2014 and ask for the guidance I will need to make it the best year ever.

Some of you who do not know me well, or some of you who think you know me well may not like some of the things you read here throughout the year.  It is not my intention to offend anyone or to lead you to my belief system.  They are my beliefs and my thoughts.  End of statement.

Most of my energy lately, other than Christmas..., has been consumed by protesting the wolf hunts in our United States of America.

You will see me post a lot against that.  Also the coyote hunts.

My children and my grandchildren are my greatest loves and my greatest accomplishments. You will also see and hear lots about them.

Most of the time, you will only read positive thoughts and ideas from me.  That is a choice I made as to how to live my life.   Every now and then, something else may creep out but it will be brief.

Thank you for taking a look and Thank you in advance if you come back.

And yes....

I am a tree hugger.

And a spiritualist.  And I consider myself a Christian as I believe in the birth, teachings, suffering and resurrection of Jesus Christ.  I'm just not much of a church goer or follower of organized religion. Once I read religion is of man and God is of God. I kind of stick by that.  I am a believer that all gods are one God. I honor and respect all religions - even the ancient ones and have special ties to the Native American beliefs and practices.

I find my religion among nature - where Jesus himself told us to look for him.

And I believe that my soul always, always tells me the right way....
Some call it intuition.

I listen. More now than ever before.